A Christian Garden Joke
“One heavenly spring morning, God got into a
conversation with St. Francis about lawns. The
conversation went something like this…….
GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and
nature. What in the world is going on down there in
the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
thistle, and the other stuff I started eons ago? I had
a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. I created
plants that grow in any type of soil, withstand
drought, and multiply like crazy. The nectar from the
long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees
and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see down there
a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are
these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord.
The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers
weeds, and went to great lengths to kill them and
replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It
doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only
grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental with
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great
pains to grow it, and keep it green. They begin each
spring by fertilizing their grass, and poisoning any
other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make
grass grow really fast. That must make the
Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Lord, I’m afraid not. As soon as the
grass grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a
week.
GOD: They cut it?! Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Well, not exactly Lord. Most
“Suburbanites” rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell
it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, sir — just the opposite. They pay to
throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize
grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut
it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer
when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.
That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of
work.
ST. FRANCIS: Lord, you’re not going to believe this.
When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out
hoses, and pay more money to water it so they can
continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the
trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say
so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to
provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn
they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to
keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and
bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to
enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You’d better sit down, Lord. The
Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the
leaves fall, they rake them into huge piles, and pay
to have them hauled away, too.
GOD: No way!! What do they do to protect the shrub and
tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist
and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go
out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul
it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to
make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What
movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It’s a real
stupid movie about……..
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story
from St. Francis.
….Author Unknown ”
Ok , we are a whole different breed, but I thought it was cute. It came my way from a gardening newsletter that is very encouraging and worthwhile:
Steve Hallowell (no longer online)
and now, class, what have we learned? There is good reason to use mulch :)
and all the necessary ingredients are right under our gardening noses.
