…. a priest stops to watch a gardener tending her garden and says, “what a beautiful job you and God are making of that garden” and the gardener replies, “yes, but you should have seen the mess it was when God had it on his own!”
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
Old gardeners never die they just vegetate.
I’m a gardener and I’m OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing, and hang around with slugs.
Oh I’m happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs . . .
(to the tune of Monty Python’s “I’m a Lumberjack”)
an old one, but it still makes me smile:
If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get booed right off the stage.
They’re just not ready.
~~~~~~~oh no, there’s more~~~~~~~
I used to impale the heads of door-to-door sales people on pikes in the garden as a warning to others … until I learned that it’s bad Feng Shui.
Q: What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A: A Snap Dragon.
Q: What do you call a country where the people drive only pink cars?
A: A pink carnation.
Q: What kind of flowers grow in outer space?
A: Ipomoea alba, Helianthus annuus, Pentas lanceolata, and Cosmos
(Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, Cosmos)
Q: What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A: A rash of good luck.
Q: Why don’t you ever iron a four-leaf clover?
A: You might press your luck.
Q: What do you call a mushroom who buys everyone drinks and is the life of the party?
A: A fun-gi.
Q: What insect is musical?
A: A humbug.
Q: What do you call it when worms take over the world?
A: Global Worming.
Q: Everyone knows how the Green Giant dresses when he works in the field. But when he goes to a corporate board meeting, what does he usually wear?
A: A three peas suit.
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